I Don't Know What to Do

Saturday, May 15, 2010

I've barely been out of bed in 3 days, except to eat. And when I say eat, I mean binge. :( Everything is so overwhelming. Every second I have to fight back tears. I don't know what it is, but something in me snapped and its like I've lost all care and control over my body. Its really scary for me.

I've done okay so far today food-wise.... but I can feel it. That itch to eat until I don't feel sad anymore. which can take a lot. for example, let me tell you what I ate last night:

peanut butter cup ice cream
some of my boyfriends ice cream
a frozen pizza
sour cream & onion chips
2 dark chocolate reeses pb cups
cup of milk
grilled cheese

the night before was worse. more chips and sandwiches than a person should eat in an entire day. its really embarassing and sickening to me that I eat so much. But even after saying that, I know that if I had any $ I'd be out getting chinese food right freaking now. its an endless cycle.

I wish I could just tell myself no. Without it being followed by a panic attack.

7 HUGS:

i completely understand . i had a binge fest 2 weeks ago i just couldnt stop. i tried eating a little bit of ice cream but then i finished half of a pint , the next day it was the rest not to mention the french fries and MCDONALDS that was eaten..i literally had a large french fry and a big mac.. that was like 1000 calories.. then i had chilis quesadilla explosion salad which is like a whole day of calories toped it off with 3.. yes 3 of their dessert shots.. i felt awful after that week of horror

you just have to keep telling yourself that its another day and even thought kate moss got a lot of crap for saying it. its soooo true.... nothing tastes as good as skinny feels!

you will get past this. no worries :)
find something different that will inspire you.. like take a yoga class or find a zumba class to go to ..something thats out of your norm

hananb said...

you can do it...i know exactly how that feels but you just have to say no! you have an entire support gtoup following...you inspire all of us and we know that you do it! fight through it gir:)
xoxo, H

BEE said...

take it a day at a time
its ok we all have bingy moments dont beat yourself up
this is a life long journey
slow and steady actually wins in the end

I can feel your panic. I've been there more times than I'd ever want to, and I can't say I'll never be there again. But I can hope.
Stop and ask yourself,"What else is going on?"
What are you trying to stuff away?
What are you avoiding?
I say this because I have to do it myself.
If you can't say for sure, maybe it's chemical.
Again, I know from experience.
I could be totally wrong about your experience, but feel free to email me if you want to talk more.

Sarah said...

I feel your pain. I've been eating horribly for like the past two weeks. I haven't exercised in like a week either. I think I personally just feel too stressed and overwhelmed to care right now. Deep down I care and I know i'm sabotaging myself. First off, do you know what you are upset/stressing about? I think without figuring out that you can't break the cycle, and even when you do it's hard. Just know you aren't the only one going through this. I'm so freakin stressed out cuz of finals. I've been doing nothing but study like crazy and taking tests. Not to mention i'm behind on some chemistry work, i've got to work my ass off to get that stuff caught up and turned in. And taking care of my one year old at the same time. I think that's why I just eat whatever, I don't feel like I have time to care. Scratch that, I don't want to take the time to care, or cook things because i'm so frickin crunched for time that I just grab whatever, even if it's fast food. This nonsense has got to stop once finals is over. I know this won't be my only stuggle though, life happens. Just know that tomorrow is a new day. And the next day. And the next. You can't beat yourself up for what you ate the day before, that day's done. You can start over. I haven't barely lost anything since i've started this journey, not even 5 lbs and it's been over a month, i've just had so much distractions and not having the dedication i should, but i'll get there. You've lost 74lbs! Be proud of that. If you can lose 74lbs you can do this!! We are all behind you and we have faith in you:)

motivatemolly said...

Sometimes when I get in a rut like that, I start to sike myself out and I get SO discouraged and I continue to binge eat because "ITS TOO LATE IVE ALREADY DONE IT WHY NOT CONTINUE"... but something that normally helps me is to pretend I have a fresh start.

***Wake up and forget about you did wrong yesterday, work on what you're doing today! Can't change anything in the past!***

You CAN do this!

Amy said...

I went through about a week period of binging almost every night. I would do great all day then all hell would break loose at the end of the day( I have two small kids and after they go to bed and my husband is at work im alone with food in the house and things got ugly,lol) I also had no idea WHY i was eating so out of control. You not alone!

what helped me was realizing that it happens, I'm not going to eat perfect all the time. And its ok. I felt a lot better when i stopped beating my self up over it. I took it one meal at a time and if that didn't work then i accepted the fact that I wasn't ready to dive in yet....

Hugs, hope you feel better soon.

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