Down a size!

I meant to wait until 159 to try on a size 12, but today i had to buy a blazer (ended up getting a size 10 stretch) for a scholarship banquet i'm going to tomorrow, and i found a super cute leopard print pencil skirt on sale in a size 12, so i had to try it on. It fit!

Unfortunately my eating has been a little (okay, a LOT) out of control this past week so its kinda put a rain cloud over my smaller-size celebration. I guess its always going to be a struggle.

-Carissa

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Self truths

I feel better when I work out. Even though I dread it most days, afterwards I feel really great.

I have to eat enough calories to produce milk, but that's not an excuse to eat more than I should. It also means I can't over-resctrict. Throughout my journey I've realized that I am either very strict about what I eat and how much of it (I felt good if I didn't go over 1000 calories - that's not healthy for ANYONE) or I abandon my goals altogether and eat everything I can think of (also completely unhealthy). I have to find some kind of happy balance.

Chips, crackers, trail mix, and other things of the like that can be had in large quantities are dangerous around me. Even the healthy versions are bad in mass amounts. I'm just going to have to settle for substituting them with things like grapes, carrots (don't love em, but I can deal), etc.

I'm lazy. I planplanplan and never actactact. I need to make a conscious effort to change this part of my life.

Weight loss means being uncomfortable sometimes. Whether it's during a tough workout or resisting that new yogurt shop you pass on the way home, sometimes there will be things that you wont like doing and you just have to suck it up and do it anyway. I'm not a very happy camper when I don't get what I want - particularly with food. It's sad, but I get very jealous when I see other people eating things that I "can't" have because I know how unhealthy it is. Like I said, I'm gonna have to get rid of my pouty-pants and deal.




These are my self truths... what are yours?

Big News!!!

Hello there strangers :)

I haven't been around in awhile, but I promise I have a very good, exciting, wonderful reason!

My boyfriend & I are having a baby!!!!

We found out a couple of weeks ago... I had taken 3 at-home tests (lol), all positive, so we made an appointment and it was confirmed! It's really such a miracle because I had been told previously that my body wasn't ovulating, so we were under the impression that I couldn't get pregnant. I felt like we'd end up adopting for sure. But then, SURPRISE!! A little baby that we made all on our own :).

Today was our first actual doctor's appointment, and it went well! Estimated due date is January 4th, but we'll get a definite one at our first sonogram NEXT FRIDAY!! :) Our doctor told us that a big reason why we were able to conceive is because I'd lost so much weight. She said that estrogen is stored in fat cells, and when you have a lot of fat your body has too much estrogen, so everything was out of wack and my ovaries weren't doing their thing. After losing weight, everything started evening out & my ovaries started working! I did have 2 periods in a row, and then got pregnant, so it makes sense! It's just so crazy how much your weight can affect every part of your life, and how much losing weight can change everything.

So after 10 months and 74 lbs lost, my focus is shifting. Instead of working on my health to lose weight, I'm now working on staying healthy for our baby (that still feels so crazy to say!). I've been thinking about how much weight I should or shouldn't gain, how much I should eat, how much I should exercise, etc. The nurse gave us some info so I've been looking at that and reading a little online. I've been pretty sick lately so I haven't been able to eat much... I've been weighing randomly and last at-home weight was 170.4. Today at the doctor it was 174 even. So I haven't gained any weight so far. The doctor told me that a healthy amount of weight to gain over the entire pregnancy is 20 - 25 lbs, so that's my goal.

Sooo I don't know how often I'll be around. I think once I start feeling better on a daily basis I'll be up to computering more... and I'll def. keep you all updated! I know lots of you have kids... so I look forward to hearing any advice you have! I'm so excited (and nervous!) that we're going to be parents :)

with all my love,

Carissa

Slowly Getting There...

I'm feeling a little better today. I wrote some in my journal yesterday and had a date with my hunny tonight, and I think both really helped. My eating yesterday and today has been okay - not perfect, but definitely better than it has been.

I got my first paycheck today, which was awesome! Tomorrow after work I'm going to see about getting a gym membership set up. I called the gym I'm interested in earlier today for the pricing and all that. I'm soooo excited!!!!! I can't wait to start making progress again. Even though I'm probably gonna have to FORCE myself for awhile, I know being able to go workout is going to help my moods A LOT.

Sorry my posts are so bare!... I'm updating from my phone. I seem more inclined to post from my phone rather than at the computer, who knows why! Thank you ALL for your unending support and for all the comments on my last post. You have no idea how much each and every one of them helped. After posting it I kind of regretted it and almost just deleted it all together. But your comments made me realize that there is no shame in honesty and that there are people who are going through/have been through the same things.

Now I'm relaxing and watching some playoff basketball. I'm so disappointed that the Cavs lost to Boston! I don't even care who wins anymore.... as long as its not the Lakers ;P

xo

I Don't Know What to Do

I've barely been out of bed in 3 days, except to eat. And when I say eat, I mean binge. :( Everything is so overwhelming. Every second I have to fight back tears. I don't know what it is, but something in me snapped and its like I've lost all care and control over my body. Its really scary for me.

I've done okay so far today food-wise.... but I can feel it. That itch to eat until I don't feel sad anymore. which can take a lot. for example, let me tell you what I ate last night:

peanut butter cup ice cream
some of my boyfriends ice cream
a frozen pizza
sour cream & onion chips
2 dark chocolate reeses pb cups
cup of milk
grilled cheese

the night before was worse. more chips and sandwiches than a person should eat in an entire day. its really embarassing and sickening to me that I eat so much. But even after saying that, I know that if I had any $ I'd be out getting chinese food right freaking now. its an endless cycle.

I wish I could just tell myself no. Without it being followed by a panic attack.

Some Thoughts on Emotional Eating

A wonderful woman I know through blogging, Coley, posted a comment to my last post and it's something I'd really like to share with all of you - if I can sort my thoughts enough to get it all out. WARNING: I'll probably ramble, but it should be good to talk about nonetheless. Anyway, here's the comment:

"Hey girl, have you done a post recently about how you're "feeling" differently about food and overeating? I've been really intrigued and looking within myself and observing others in the hopes of better undersatnding myself - the emotional side of staying fat, the 'numbing out' habit/using food as a drug, tendency - and I'm wondering how you're feeling about that, have you replaced those emotional habits? Stuff like that - how are you feeling towards your body - or have you noticed this transformation mostly in your head?

I also, being a bigger girl for as long as I can remember, am a bit worried about what I'll think when I see a smaller person in the mirror...

thought?"

Ohhh gosh. Coley, I've been reading your posts on this topic and a lot of your thoughts are really eye opening for me. I am most definitely an emotional eater, as I've admitted before, though I didn't realize it until well into my weight loss journey. It's so obvious to me now - the sneaking food, eating to feel better, getting unreasonably upset when I can't eat, etc. It's been going on as long as I can remember. Initially I just considered myself someone who loved food (which I do) and just enjoyed eating unhealthy things. But recently I realized that it is seriously more than that. Yeah, I love food, but not just because it's delicious and part of tradition and a "feel good" thing for me. I love it because it's my crutch. It's my way to "cope" with things I don't really want to cope with. Honestly, I haven't made much progress besides just REALIZING that I have this problem, but to me that's a big step in itself. "Numbing" is the perfect way to describe what I use food for... anytime I feel stressed or sad or mad or angry or upset or depressed, I want to eat. I want to think about nothing but the food and how it tastes and the calm that I know will come when I'm eating it. I get overwhelming sad and angry when I can't or don't. Now that I've realized that I do this, I'm trying to consciously talk myself through it and make myself realize that eating wont make it better, and the freedom of mind that comes with high calorie binges wont last. The problems will still be there after the food has gone. It's scary to me, really. I feel like I'm out on this flimsy limb and it's a 10,000 foot drop to the ground. It's like, if I can't use food to make myself feel better, what do I use? How do I deal? So no - I haven't found something to replace these habits, but I'm working on it.

There are still plenty of times when I get so down that I just don't care and I make the conscious decision to let go & eat whatever I want & however much of it. It's so crazy to me that FOOD, something that our bodies NEED, can be abused in such a way. I hate that out of control feeling I get when the urges are really strong. I hate that it feels so good - at least in the moment - to give in. I hate that it feels so bad afterwords.

That's at least a summary or of the beginnings of my feelings and thoughts on emotional eating. I'm doing better, but I know I have a lengthy road ahead of me. I think it's something I may need to talk to someone professionally about. Just depression, overeating, and feelings in general. I dunno, I think it could help...

Moving on...

I've been overweight my entire life as well. While it would be a lie to say that I don't notice that I'm getting smaller, it's also a lie to say that I don't still feel HUGE. And I don't mean in the cliche "I'm sooo fat" way, I mean, I look at my body in the mirror and I still see the overweight, round, double chinned, big bellied person. Now that I've missed almost a week of working out, it's worse, and probably only because I FEEL worse from not having moved my body at all.

That being said - I have days and times when I look in the mirror and think, "Wow, I'm actually getting thin!" And it feels good :). I feel accomplished, and a little more confident. When I'm eating healthy foods and exercising consistently, these good days come more often. And it's only now, that I'm putting all of this into words, that I realize this. Hmmm, I need to remember that. I have more GOOD days when I'm being good to my body. To be happy and feel good about myself and about life in general, I need to take care of myself physically.

Sometimes looking at my reflection feels weird - like it's not really me.... I just don't recognize myself. But it's not necessarily a bad feeling. It's something that I definitely think is going to get better over time. The more comfortable I get, the more like "me" I'll start feeling.

Sorry if this all sounds jumbled and crazy. Hope some of you can relate!

Carissa

P.S. - Did I tell you all that I got a JOB?! YAYYYY!!! I started the Monday after finals (IT'S FINALLY SUMMER WOOOO!!!!) so today was my second day. I really like it! :) I'm so thankful and happy to have found it and to have been hired!

xo!

Weigh Day

F I N A L L Y busted through that plateau!! I guess this calorie cycling thing - even though this week wasn't exactly as planned - is really working! I know it will get easier and better as the weeks go on. I'm really, really excited to have gotten past 179... gotta keep this downward train movin' (cheesy?)! Only 2 lbs until hair rollers!

Keepin this one short and simple. Happy Losing!

A Great Find & Some Tips for the Weekend

 I recently bought some frozen fruits and vegetables (Great Value brand... only about $2 for a bag!!). The veggies were the ones I posted with the rice a couple of days ago... and I thawed some fruit to have with breakfast this morning.

DELICIOUS! I'm definitely going to keep buying these!

And yes, that's a Domino's pizza box under there in the 2nd pic LOL, and YES their new pizza is amazing!! 

I've really been worrying about this day "off" that I have planned for Saturdays. I know that I need it to keep me sane during the week, but I DO NOT want to ruin my entire week's work on one day. Someone on 3fc posted THIS article, which has tips for staying in control over the weekend. The tips I'm going to try this weekend:

• Track all my food METICULOUSLY
• Workout
• Eat breakfast & weigh in before and after (already do these)

Thoughts on the article? What helps YOU stay on track over the weekend?

Today I'm getting the 2nd bedroom all cleaned out. The BF's best friend is coming to stay with us over the summer. I think I'll go ahead and clean the whole house while I'm at it! Have a good weekend everyone! :)

as always,

Carissa

The Goings On

Heeeeey everyone :)

I'm just finishing up my 200 calorie grilled cheese sandwich that the bf made me. Yummm. Today is the highest calorie day of the week (1800), and I'm actually struggling to eat that many. When I'm seriously counting, it's hard for me to make myself eat any more than fourteen or fifteen hundred. But I really want to try this calorie cycling thing, so I'm doing my best. I think I'll also have to really try to keep my portions under control on Saturday so I don't ruin the entire week's deficit.

Tonight I went to an awards banquet for the College of Business and received a generous scholarship :). There was sooo much DELICIOUS looking food there.. but I did SUCH a great job! I had a few grapes, chunks of cantaloupe, a strawberry, and one jalapeno popper. I also might have snuck a bite of this ridiculously indulgent cheesecake - and I don't regret it! ;) But I'm really proud that I didn't over do it and that I was able to stay in control.

Tomorrow is clean house day, and then I'll be spending the rest of the weekend studying for finals!! Wish me luck! :)

♥ you ALL!
CARISSA

My New Plan

After losing nothing for an entire month, and after taking a short break and stepping back to look at everything again, I've decided that I need a new plan. One that's different from what helped me lose the first 70 lbs, and one that's aggressive enough to help me lose the last 30.

I did a little research, and I came up with a new strategy to try: calorie cycling. I used this calculator to get a general idea of the zig-zagging, but I ended up coming up with a completely different cycle. Basically, I'll eat anywhere from 1200-1800 calories on a rotating basis. The days that I do cardio and lift weights will be the days that I eat more; the days where I'm only doing cardio will be lower calorie days. The theory behind this cycling idea is that it keeps your body and your metabolism guessing, so as to never let your body become accustomed to any one calorie level and start storing fat/eating muscle.

Something else that is different about this strategy is that I've given myself one day to be "off" from calorie counting (if I feel like using it - if not, I'll eat 1200 cals). My hope is that having that one day each week will help me resist urges to overeat throughout the rest of the week. It will most likely lower my calorie deficit for the week, but it's what I think I need to be able to stick with this cycling thing and stay sane, lol.

Here's the game plan!:

(open in a new window to see the whole thing :])

I think I'll actually change Sundays to 1200 calories. And the L1, L2, L3's all stand for what level of the 30DS I had planned on doing, but I think I'm going to wait to start that until this summer, since I wont be able to use the gym during that time. I know that calorie cycling is going to take a lot of effort and persistence on my part, but that's what it takes to reach goals of any kind. Continuous commitment and a strong will to succeed. My goal is to be 169 lbs by the end of may, which is VERY bold, but seeing as how I haven't lost anything in quite awhile, I feel like it's possible.

Have any of you ever tried calorie cycling? What did you like or dislike about it? Any tips?

Love you all!

Caaaaaarissa

Today's an "Off" Day I Guess (WARNING: CRYBABY RANT)

Time to start being upfront and 100% honest. One day I can feel really positive and motivated, and the next I feel completely hopeless and depressed. I'm already over my calories for today, and it's only 7pm. I guess now I'm off to the gym for a long workout... which my mind says will make up for the garbage (Sonic, to be exact) I ate, but in reality, I know the damage has already been done. It's been such a frustrating week and a half... working so hard and losing NOTHING. It makes me not even want to TRY anymore, because I feel like no matter what I do, I won't lose any more. I wish I was already done with this whole stupid weight loss thing and was onto maintaining and just living a happy, fun life. Somedays, it seems like I still have so far to go... I know that patience is the key, but what if I just. don't. want. to. do. it. anymore??? I'm sorta feeling that way about school too. I need to learn that when things are hard, that's when I have to push harder. I hope I have it in me.

UGH, everything is just so FRUSTRATING.  I can't lose weight, I can't figure out my classes for next year, I can't file for my financial aid, I can't afford enough healthy groceries, I can't afford clothes that fit me, I can't make any friends, .....

I should be focusing on what I CAN do, but as of now, Pessimistic Me is throwing a temper tantrum. I've been trying to make myself go workout for a minute now, and I just don't feel like it. I will though. I guess I can't afford not to.

 

Hopefully I didn't ruin Sunday's weigh in.


/rant

*Edit*

okay... I'm back from the gym and I'm feeling a little better. It's crazy how exercise really is a mood lifter. I realize that I was a bit melodramatic in this post, but these are literally the thoughts that swarm through my head most days. I struggle with making decisions.. I'll agonize over it for quite awhile and then either end up giving in or not. Today, I gave in. Next time, I will do my best not to.

Now I'm going to re-look at the "I can't"s that I listed earlier and turn them into "I can"s, just to make myself look at things with a more positive mindset. Some of it might be forced... but ahh well. 

"I can't lose weight" ... The only way that I can't lose weight is if I quit completely and go back to my old lifestyle, which I will not do. So as long as I keep trying my best and taking it one choice at a time, I can lose weight.

"I can't figure out my classes for next year" ... Hmmm. Still not sure what to do about this... but I'll figure it out. I just need to do more looking, I guess.

"I can't file for my financial aid" ... I will call my dad on Sunday (when I know he's off) and ask him to help me, since I have to have all his info off of his w2, because I'm still considered a "dependent" (which is annoying in itself, but nothing I can do about it).

"I can't afford enough healthy groceries" ... I will work with the boo to try to make sure that buying groceries is closer to the top of our "to-do" list when he gets paid. He's such a sweetheart for taking care of me! :)

"I can't afford clothes that fit me" ... I will start applying for jobs. I DID end up selling some of my old jeans, and with that money I bought a pair of dress pants (all my old ones are too big) that I will be able to wear to an interview. Then, I'll be able to help with the bills, the groceries, and be able to save for new, fitting clothes.

"I can't make any friends" ... This I have no solution for. I'm kind of a hermit.. for a variety of reasons. One of my hopes throughout this process is that I can gain confidence and will be able to be more social and enjoy my life more. Sometimes I feel so lonely... but I'm very lucky to have the people in my life that I DO have, and I wouldn't trade them for the world!

Whew. I believe I just put Pessimistic Me in her place. Thanks for letting me say anything & everything I need to say. It feels a lot better just being able to get it OUT of my head and into words.

Have a good rest of the night :)

A Possible Plateau and Other Ramblings

Today is the seventh day in a row that I've weighed 179 lbs. Buuut, I'm not too worried about it, seeing as how I didn't work out much over those past 7 days. I did get a good workout in today, though, so I guess tomorrow morning we'll see what Mr. Scale has to say about that! ;)

Yesterday for dinner I tried the Smart Ones Ham and Cheese Scramble. It's made with egg whites, ham, potatoes and reduced fat cheese - which totals 220 calories & 9 g of fat.

I put salsa and salt/pepper to taste on mine, but it didn't help a whole lot. It got cold really fast and a lot of the chunks of ham were rough and not edible (for me anyway)... the potatoes were the best part. The meal overall just wasn't very good. I didn't even end up eating the whole thing... so, I probably wouldn't recommend it.

I also wanted to give props to all you real-life runners out there... on Sunday, I went to the park to walk around with my hand weights. Now - at the gym I've worked my way up to being able to run anywhere from 5-10 minutes @ 5.5 pace. But when I ran at the park, I could hardly go for a minute or two (granted I wasn't timing myself, but yeah)!! I was really surprised! I thought at the time that maybe since I hadn't run in a few days my stamina had gone down (ha), but today at the gym I ran for 7 mins! The treadmill moving does a lot more work than I initially thought, lol! And different muscles in my legs were sore than usual - it's so crazy. Sooo yeah, all you athletic people who walk/run outside, I admire you!!

Today for breakfast I had cereal + cinnamon sugar toast (yum!), and for lunch I had the Smart Ones 3 cheese ziti marinara + corn. For supper I was planning on having a Velveeta Shells & Cheese bowl (another yum) + beans, but I actually FEEL LIKE EATING SALAD AND VEGGIES. UH, WHO IS THIS CRAZY PERSON AND WHAT HAS SHE DONE WITH MY CRAVINGS??!! HAHA! Seems like while I was trying to go gluten free my body got used to eating more whole foods and less frozen meals, which I'm totally okay with :). I will say, though, that there's nothing better than a Smart Ones lasagna/pizza/dessert when I get a hankering for one! What changes have you noticed in your appetite/cravings since you started your WL journey??



Hmmm... guess that's it for this update :). Love you all!

-Carissa

I DID IT!!! (+ weigh in)

HOLY CRAP. For the first time in... well probably for the first time EVER, I made it the entire weekend without going over my calories! I can hardly believe it. Every week its always the same thing... do great until Thursday, try really hard on Friday, give in and go up a few (or 5) lbs by Sunday. BUT I'M FINALLY BREAKING THAT CYCLE!!! I didn't work out Fri or Sat, but that's okay. One step at a time. I'm so proud of myself!! :) :) :)

Now, time for the weigh in:

A new decade, woo hoo!!! Just barely, but I'm there! :) I've actually been seeing 178-179 on the scale since Wed, but the fact that I've maintained it - even through the weekend - feels awesome. It feels so surreal to be in the 170s... I can't remember ever stepping on a scale and seeing a # that low. To be honest, saying that I'm working on getting into the 160s is kind of intimidating. I guess because it's still so new to me... I'll get used to it in no time, I'm sure! ha!

So even though it took me a bit, I'm down 6 lbs from the last weigh in (that was after a binge, so most of it came off pretty quickly) and that puts me at a total of 70 pounds lost. Wow.

174 is my next mile marker - that means 75 lbs lost, 3/4 way to goal, and my 3rd reward: hair rollers!!! :))


Hope you all had a FANTASTIC weekend! Let's make this a STRONG week. We are in control and we are capable of doing what it takes to get healthy and feel great in our bodies. Remember to drink your water, watch your portions, and move a little! You CAN do this!

Love!!

The Botanical Gardens :)

Today my hunny & I went to the Botanical Gardens. It was sooo beautiful! I can't wait to go back in May when everything is in full bloom!! :) Just wanted to share the beauty with you!

She A Busy Body

Wow. I don't know how I let my posts become so sparse. It seems like there aren't enough hours in the day to do all of the things I want to do. I've been busy, but with the same things over and over again, day after day, week after week. I've been doing great on weekdays... eating right, exercising... but then come those weekends that, as you know, have been so hard for me throughout this entire journey. All I know it that I have to keep making an effort. One or two days off track is WAY better than no days on track.

I want to start posting interesting stuff again. Things that will help & inspire both me AND you. Maybe I need to set a specific time to post (assuming I'm home) each night. Hmm.

Anyway, I'm huuuuuuuuuuuuuuungry. Time to make some eats :).

Cravings pt. 2

My last post was about emotional eating. And while there are times when my "cravings" are a symptom of something more, I also simply have straight-up CRAVINGS! I've been trying to pay attention to those cravings and the different stages that I go through. Here's what I came up with:

THE CRAVING CYCLE

[1] Thought enters mind
    An example I'm going to use is chili dogs. The other night my boyfriend had made some for himself and I was having one of my usual meals. As soon as I smelled the chili and saw the melty cheese, I knew I wanted one. And BAD.

[2] Try to rationalize eating it
     I tried to tell myself that I'd have just ONE and THAT'S IT. And that will fit into my calories. Plus, I should give into my cravings every once in awhile so that I don't over-do it later. So it's okay, right?

[3] "Screw it" mentality
    Well, if I'm being honest, I know that just one chili dog wont fill me up. And I'll probably crave another anyways... and they'll be SOOO good. I mine as well just eat however much I want and enjoy it.
 

(and if I get this far...)


[4] Desperate need to give in
    At this point I feel like I absolutely, without a doubt NEED TO EAT A CHILI DOG. I can't think of what will happen if I don't... and I honestly feel like I can't stop myself from giving in.

[5] Resist. Resist. Resist.
    I think that says it all. It's literally a mental war... I have to use every trick I have up my sleeve to convince my head not to have any chili dogs. I literally sit, doing nothing but going back & forth in my head - okay I'll eat it; WAIT. NO. YOU DON'T NEED IT; and so on.

[6] Finally, either proud that I didn't eat it or guilty for giving in
    This is the end of the craving cycle for me and it's either 100% good or 100% bad. I've either given in or I haven't. I'm proud to say that I DID NOT eat a single chili cheese dog that day :). 







This is just an example of what I personally go through when I'm having one of those flat out cravings. Does this sound like what you guys have experienced, or is it completely different for you?

Cravings pt. 1

There are plenty of reasons that I'm overweight. My absolute love of food is one. My habit of eating when I'm bored, to celebrate, while I watch TV, etc is another. I've always assumed emotional eating was part of it as well.. but this past week I realized that it's a much bigger part of my weight problem than I ever realized.

Some really crappy news surfaced on Thursday in regards to my family. It's really way too complicated and lonnnnnng to get into, but it was shocking and hurtful and it made me mad and sad and confused and more. Thursday I did ok - I talk to the boo about it and had a good cry and stayed within calories. Friday morning I woke up feeling miserable. I didn't have anything necessarily healthy to eat for breakfast, but I was able to keep it within my calorie limit. I ran a couple of errands after that and picked up some Long John Silvers for my honey. That's when I wrote the previous post... I was feeling overwhelmingly PISSED because I wanted to eat. Or at least that's what I thought it was.

I used all the willpower I had and decided to take a nap rather than eat. When I woke up I still felt as sad and mad as I had been. I was hungry (it WAS lunchtime). At that point I decided I was going to have chicken strips from Braums.. and it was like I instantly felt better. I hadn't even eaten it yet and I already felt the calm of the calories coming over me.

Eating makes me forget about all the things that are wrong; it makes me feel content, happy, calm... at least until the food is gone. Then comes that horrifying guilt that so many of us are all too familiar with. I knew it was coming, but it didn't matter. Those chicken strips and fries and chocolate chip shake were my way to get rid of the emotions that are inside me - even if it was just temporary.

It seems like everyday I keep hearing more hurtful things. Earlier today I had almost convinced myself to have pizza tonight... just so I could stop feeling sad for a little bit. But I know food isn't going to fix anything. I need to face it and DEAL with the emotions instead of shoving them into my mouth. It's just hard.













 Hi, my name is Carissa and I am an emotional eater.

I want to eat.

And I'm pissed because I can't or shouldn't or whatever. Why should it make me so genuinely mad to not be able to eat what the people around me do? UUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :(.

Mid-week Weigh In

Since I didn't post a weigh in on Sunday (I'm getting really bad about that, I know), I decided to most a mid-week update :).I'm down to 185, five pounds from my last weigh in a little over 2 weeks ago. I'm happy with that!!! Especially considering the amount of off plan eating I've done over that time. But I'm still truckin' along, doin' my losin' thing!!! ;) Hope you are all staying healthy & happy! xo!

~Carissa

Am I Dreaming?

Do you know what size those jeans are?? 14s. FOURTEENS. My mom and sisters went on vacation and she brought me back a shirt, earrings, necklace, and these jeans. I was so scared to try them on... I was going to wait until I got to 179 to buy new jeans... but THEY FIT! I can't believe it.. I'm so happy! :) What a great motivation to get me back in the gym! I'm sick right now (blah!).. but the gym opens again on Monday so I hope I'll be better by then! We're also under a winter storm watch here in the Texas panhandle, so we're just waiting to see if/how much it's going to snow.

Seeing as how it's so cold outside... I think it's time to get my snuggle on :). Hasta!

~Carissa