There are plenty of reasons that I'm overweight. My absolute love of food is one. My habit of eating when I'm bored, to celebrate, while I watch TV, etc is another. I've always assumed emotional eating was part of it as well.. but this past week I realized that it's a much bigger part of my weight problem than I ever realized.
Some really crappy news surfaced on Thursday in regards to my family. It's really way too complicated and lonnnnnng to get into, but it was shocking and hurtful and it made me mad and sad and confused and more. Thursday I did ok - I talk to the boo about it and had a good cry and stayed within calories. Friday morning I woke up feeling miserable. I didn't have anything necessarily healthy to eat for breakfast, but I was able to keep it within my calorie limit. I ran a couple of errands after that and picked up some Long John Silvers for my honey. That's when I wrote the previous post... I was feeling overwhelmingly PISSED because I wanted to eat. Or at least that's what I thought it was.
Eating makes me forget about all the things that are wrong; it makes me feel content, happy, calm... at least until the food is gone. Then comes that horrifying guilt that so many of us are all too familiar with. I knew it was coming, but it didn't matter. Those chicken strips and fries and chocolate chip shake were my way to get rid of the emotions that are inside me - even if it was just temporary.
It seems like everyday I keep hearing more hurtful things. Earlier today I had almost convinced myself to have pizza tonight... just so I could stop feeling sad for a little bit. But I know food isn't going to fix anything. I need to face it and DEAL with the emotions instead of shoving them into my mouth. It's just hard.
Hi, my name is Carissa and I am an emotional eater.