Cravings pt. 1

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

There are plenty of reasons that I'm overweight. My absolute love of food is one. My habit of eating when I'm bored, to celebrate, while I watch TV, etc is another. I've always assumed emotional eating was part of it as well.. but this past week I realized that it's a much bigger part of my weight problem than I ever realized.

Some really crappy news surfaced on Thursday in regards to my family. It's really way too complicated and lonnnnnng to get into, but it was shocking and hurtful and it made me mad and sad and confused and more. Thursday I did ok - I talk to the boo about it and had a good cry and stayed within calories. Friday morning I woke up feeling miserable. I didn't have anything necessarily healthy to eat for breakfast, but I was able to keep it within my calorie limit. I ran a couple of errands after that and picked up some Long John Silvers for my honey. That's when I wrote the previous post... I was feeling overwhelmingly PISSED because I wanted to eat. Or at least that's what I thought it was.

I used all the willpower I had and decided to take a nap rather than eat. When I woke up I still felt as sad and mad as I had been. I was hungry (it WAS lunchtime). At that point I decided I was going to have chicken strips from Braums.. and it was like I instantly felt better. I hadn't even eaten it yet and I already felt the calm of the calories coming over me.

Eating makes me forget about all the things that are wrong; it makes me feel content, happy, calm... at least until the food is gone. Then comes that horrifying guilt that so many of us are all too familiar with. I knew it was coming, but it didn't matter. Those chicken strips and fries and chocolate chip shake were my way to get rid of the emotions that are inside me - even if it was just temporary.

It seems like everyday I keep hearing more hurtful things. Earlier today I had almost convinced myself to have pizza tonight... just so I could stop feeling sad for a little bit. But I know food isn't going to fix anything. I need to face it and DEAL with the emotions instead of shoving them into my mouth. It's just hard.

 Hi, my name is Carissa and I am an emotional eater.


From one emotional eater to the other.... I would just like to say CONGRATS for recognizing the problem. I will say that it isn't always easy and you can't always fight the demon, but on days when you recognize that you are fueled by emotions rather than actual hunger. Even if you do decide to eat when you're emotional, being able to recognize this.. and fight it off for a little while is a step in the right direction.

You've come so far and continue to blast through your weight loss! Keep it up Carissa!!!! :)

Glam said...

So sorry you're going through a rough time right now. Is there someone you can talk to (professionally) about what you're going through? It might help to have an objective listener to help you deal with your emotions.

Just a thought. Hope things get better soon!

Anonymous said...

I think deep down almost all of us are emotional eaters. Sometimess it is so hard to deal with things we feel the need to eat and control what we can control. Hang in there chica you will pull through it.

Kyle Gershman said...

While many have issues with emotional eating, there are some that definitely have it worse than others.

Like any behavior, it can be trained in time. I am a food addict, but I've been pretty religious about treating it appropriately for the last 5 months and many cravings and behaviors are much easier to brush off now that I recognize it. Of course, having other new exercise activities have been a more healthful distraction.

Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

I'm exactly the same and I KNOW the calm, so so well. I give in so easily, too, because I feel the desire for calm far outweighs anything else at the moment. I just read this excerpt below today, and maybe you did too if you follow her blog, but I figure I'll copy and paste it here anyway because reading it moments ago moved me so much:

"Do not suppress these feelings of anger. Instead, as the Buddha has taught us, accept and embrace these difficult feelings, like a mother cradling her crying baby. The crying baby needs the mother's loving care. In a similar manner, your negative emotions and turmoil are crying out loud, trying to get your attention. Your negative emotions also need your tender, loving care. By embracing your feelings whenever they arise, you can prevent yourself from being swept away by your emotional storm, and you can calm yourself."

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

Pixie said...

I am so glad I found your blog through 3FC (I am Onederchic). Thanks for the inspiration *hugs*

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