Reevaluating

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Obstacles are what you see when
you take your eye off the goal.

I've needed to write this post for a long time, but I'm still not sure exactly what to say. It feels as if I'm at this crossroads in my life. It's time to reevaluate not only my weight loss but just my life in general.

I lost a whopping 3 pounds in January and am sitting at 199, my first plateau since starting this WL journey. I don't even know if I can really call it a plateau because I've been eating terribly and not exercising at all. I've been discouraged, lazy, out of control, unhappy, lost... it seems as though all the things that led me to being overweight will never go away. I'm sure a lot of you have gone through this... just being TIRED of thinking about food and exercise and calories and muffin tops and just ready to LIVE. However, I know that I can't live the life I imagine until I am happy with myself. So this week I sucked it up and have been putting forth an honest effort. I still feel overwhelmed.. but refuse to allow a couple of months off plan to turn into a couple of years.

As far as everything else goes.. I can't even put it into words. It's like... ugh, idk. I want to make a difference in the world. I want things to be better because I've lived. Right now it feels like I'm doing the same things day after day and not getting any satisfaction from it. I don't like the thought of just getting by every day... inside, I know there has to be something more. God? Charity? Traveling? Friends? Family? Career? I don't know what it is, but something is missing. A lot of these feelings are feelings I've always had, but they're of this new intensity that makes them hard to push to the back of my mind. It's like time is ticking and my life is just passing me by. I want to change it, but I'm afraid. I've lived like this for so long that I don't really know how to change it or how I would emotionally handle it (geez, it all sounds really crazy when put into words like this... I hope this makes some kind of sense).

Writing all of this brings me to tears.. I'm so thankful and appreciative of the life I live and the wonderful, amazing people in it, and in no way am I saying that they're not enough; I simply feel lonely and lost. Maybe I'm just growing up and starting to realize there could be so much more to life... or maybe it's just a phase. I don't know.

I'm pretty sure I'm rambling so I guess I'll end this... I'm already behind on reading for my classes so I need to get to that! I'm back though, for sure. Want proof? Check out this sweat I worked up doing the 30DS a little bit ago:
I don't think you get the full effect from the picture (I was seriously drenched), but there you have it! If anyone else is going through a hard time right now, let's do this together. Get back on track, get back to being healthy, and get back to reaching our goals. No more excuses - only actions. :)

as always,
Carissa

6 HUGS:

BEE said...

you can do this
see you made the first step and did the shred
im proud of you

Tania said...

I know exactly how you feel. I basically started my blog right at the point you're at now. I had lost weight previously and then just got tired of counting calories and exercising every day and I just gave up...and gained back all the weight I lost. At least you just stayed the same and are already back to it, so you haven't done any additional damage.

As for the life stuff I know how you feel there too. I have a great job, but I work in insurance for god's sake. I feel like I could be accomplishing so much more with my career, but I just don't know what. There are days where I enjoy what I do, but most often I'm just going through the motions. I'm always hoping for some light bulb to go off for me to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing.

I love animals, so sometimes I think I should do something with animals. I don't want to be a vet and the girls in my vets office make way less than I do now, like half of what I do now so that just wouldn't work.

Ah well. Just know that you're not alone. There are plenty of us out there who get frustrated and feel lost, but we're not alone.

adorkable said...

I AM WITH YOU, GIRL!

seek and you shall find! something amazing is out there waiting for you... one day you'll find it.

Coley said...

Woman, you know I get it. And I just want to offer you some encouragement - not in just the weight stuff - but the life stuff. You are still so young, and you will make a difference. i can tell because you are more wise than people I know twice your age, and not only is it lovely about you - but it's encouraging when I see other youngins and fear how my own kids will turn out - HAHA!
I feel SO MUCH the same as you - something's missing, God? Travel? Career? Weight? Relationship Issues? What am I "really hungry for" in other words.
I put myself down thinking that I'm wasting time and blah blah, but I am still young, too - we would never have things figured out already, but we're on our way - and you are ahead of the game in many ways just by being aware.
Give yourself credit - when stuff doesn't change on our outsides, it maybe be because it's changing on the insides.

I unerstand the struggle - you see it on my blog, and today has been one of the hardest ever - ughh!!! Hour by hour, and I fear getting through tomorrow, but hold on to the fact, that every day won't be this hard...

emily said...

Hey Carissa,
After reading this post, I can't help but say that I am relieved that someone else has felt this way! Honestly, I feel like it is completely normal. I'm not sure exactly what year you are in college (I'm guessing junior) but, I can't tell you how many months I spent miserable arguing with myself over the same issues. Generally feeling very stagnant in my life- like what am i doing other than going to class, eating, studying, lather, rinse, repeat. It's EXHAUSTING! Whenever I felt like that (which was most of my sophomore/junior/beginning of senior years) I always just wanted to get out of my own head. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen, go out with friends (and cheat..just a little!) on your diet. Allow yourself to take off the weight of the world for a moment. College is a weird time. I think so many students have wayy different priorities than you or I, and they don't see it (probably because they are too drunk)--not saying I don't like a beverage from time to time, but you know what I mean.

Ok, I hope that helped? I know, I was completely rambling- if you get anything out of it, know that I have been there girlfriend :)

Another thing, I just want to tell you how awesome I think you are. You have accomplished, what I cannot even imagine. AND you have completely voided my WHOLE argument of it being impossible to lose weight while in college and having no money! :)
Please help me to have your courage and motivation! Any tips are greatly appreciated..
<3

ashley said...

im in the exact same position! ive been eating terribly and not working out and even skipping some days of even tracking my calories !
but we will get thru this!! we need actions not excuses! i like that :)

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