Obstacles are what you see when
you take your eye off the goal.
I've needed to write this post for a long time, but I'm still not sure exactly what to say. It feels as if I'm at this crossroads in my life. It's time to reevaluate not only my weight loss but just my life in general.
I lost a whopping 3 pounds in January and am sitting at 199, my first plateau since starting this WL journey. I don't even know if I can really call it a plateau because I've been eating terribly and not exercising at all. I've been discouraged, lazy, out of control, unhappy, lost... it seems as though all the things that led me to being overweight will never go away. I'm sure a lot of you have gone through this... just being TIRED of thinking about food and exercise and calories and muffin tops and just ready to LIVE. However, I know that I can't live the life I imagine until I am happy with myself. So this week I sucked it up and have been putting forth an honest effort. I still feel overwhelmed.. but refuse to allow a couple of months off plan to turn into a couple of years.
As far as everything else goes.. I can't even put it into words. It's like... ugh, idk. I want to make a difference in the world. I want things to be better because I've lived. Right now it feels like I'm doing the same things day after day and not getting any satisfaction from it. I don't like the thought of just getting by every day... inside, I know there has to be something more. God? Charity? Traveling? Friends? Family? Career? I don't know what it is, but something is missing. A lot of these feelings are feelings I've always had, but they're of this new intensity that makes them hard to push to the back of my mind. It's like time is ticking and my life is just passing me by. I want to change it, but I'm afraid. I've lived like this for so long that I don't really know how to change it or how I would emotionally handle it (geez, it all sounds really crazy when put into words like this... I hope this makes some kind of sense).
Writing all of this brings me to tears.. I'm so thankful and appreciative of the life I live and the wonderful, amazing people in it, and in no way am I saying that they're not enough; I simply feel lonely and lost. Maybe I'm just growing up and starting to realize there could be so much more to life... or maybe it's just a phase. I don't know.
I'm pretty sure I'm rambling so I guess I'll end this... I'm already behind on reading for my classes so I need to get to that! I'm back though, for sure. Want proof? Check out this sweat I worked up doing the 30DS a little bit ago:
I don't think you get the full effect from the picture (I was seriously drenched), but there you have it! If anyone else is going through a hard time right now, let's do this together. Get back on track, get back to being healthy, and get back to reaching our goals. No more