Hollister's dressing rooms are miserable.

I went to the mall today with my mom and sister because my sister wanted some new jeans. I wore this new blue shirt my mom gave me (it was too big for her), and even though it's a little tight on my tummy, I still felt kinda pretty. It's a bright blue color, and I'm used to wearing more neutral colors, so.. yeah. Anyway my sister is skinny, so of course I couldn't fit into anything in any of the stores we went to. First we went to Aero, then American Eagle, then Hollister. Every one of these stores were filled with thin girls picking up anything they liked and having no problem trying it on and buying it. I was still okay. I'm on my way there.

Then, at Hollister, my mom pulls a size L shirt off the shelf and asks if I like it. I say yes, because I do, and she then asks if I want it. I'm like no, it wont fit. She brought it over to me and showed me that it was kinda stretchy, and really soft. I still said no, I really didn't think my stomach was going to fit in that amount of material. Then she was like, "Will you at least try it on?" So I reluctantly agreed and headed for the dressing room (my sister had to show me where it was, I've never done more than walk around that store, much less try something on).

Now, the dressing rooms in this store are exactly like the rest of the store. Loud, smell-good, and dark, with a single bright light shining down directly on me. It's a small square room, with one whole wall covered by a mirror. So, when I step in, I see everything. All the weight I still have to lose, how the clothes I wore to the mall are already tight, and how the 12 lbs I've lost so far seem to have made no difference at all. I turned around, facing away from the mirror, and took off my now-seemingly-too-small blue shirt and put on the maroon one my mom picked out. I proceeded to turn around and look in that dreadful, full length mirror.

And you know what? The shirt fits. It's tight, probably about as tight as the blue shirt - and I think it's actually meant to be worn loose - but it's on and not ripping. I still felt awful looking in that mirror. I could be mistaken for a woman 9 months into her pregnancy! Ugghh. It's just so embarrassing to be this way. I tried to tell myself that I was working on getting healthier and on my way to Skinny while we were driving away from the mall, but I still just feel kind of crummy. I guess because I thought I was starting to look a little better, and that Hollister mirror put me back in the mindset of Day 1. Oh well. I'll be okay.


Anywhooo.. I'm still missing some of my books for school, so I hope they come in soon! School starts Monday (:/)! My financial aid hasn't gone through either, so I'm doing my best to be patient with that as well. I've been doing pretttttty good with my eating and trying to stay active :). I guess thats it! Hope everyone's week is going well! Hasta!

-Carissa