Still struggling with food..

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I've had a love/hate relationship with food my entire life. I love it, it hates my body. The first week that I started this blog and made the decision to try to lose weight was rather easy - I ate what I craved, and tried to make healthier options. Mostly I just ate smaller portions. That worked, and I lost 4 lbs. I guess after that, I got paranoid and feel like I am slowly sinking back into not eating enough and worrying too much about it. :/

Like today. Just now. I was about to walk out the door having only had cauliflower & ranch for lunch, regardless of the fact that I was still hungry. I had a bowl of Special K for breakfast (I measured the exact amt for one serving) and a Slim Fast snack bar in between. WTF??? Is that enough?? Certainly not too much?? I wish I could just have the same mentality that I had that first week (this is only the SECOND! :/). I think I'm just afraid if I eat too much or don't exercise enough that I wont lose any more or that I'll gain the weight back. I guess the reality is that it took me 19 years to create this habit, and it's probably going to take a bit more than a week or even a month to fix. It's just scary.

I've also started getting a bit obsessive with weighing.. right now I weigh at my mom's, but I'm considering buying a scale for our apartment.. but then I worry I'll weigh everyday and get depressed when I'm up a pound or two. Ughhh, Idk.

Now I'm eating one of those Smart One's frozen pizzas. I'm really trying to change. I'm excited that I've lost weight and I look forward to reaching my goal, I just hate that I have to live my life looking this way until then.

As always, thank you for listening and for your support. xxoo


-BB


PS. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a bit of a worry wart. Ha.

2 HUGS:

Maggie said...

It's going to take you many months to start eating rreally healthy. I know it's very hard cause I've been through it i didnt want to change my habits i wanted to continue eating but i slowly changed it.

I think you should start off by not such a strict diet just eat healthier and the right amount to feel satisfied!

Don't worry you can do it? Just keep up with your exercise.

MackAttack said...

Oh gosh, I know this so well! I track everything in sparkpeople.com and it really helps me make sure that I not only get enough calories, but fiber and protein and other nutrients that I need. It is so hard but I would maybe track what you are eating just to see the # of calories and if the scale moves, stay, when the scale stops going down reduce the # (not to go below 1300 or so) My scale has been stopped for months, but eating healthy and making healthy choices is what really matters in the end....

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